Echoes of the Past: The Effects of How We Were Raised

For anyone who is wondering, the photo across the top of this blog has special meaning to me.  That’s my dad on the left and my son on the right.  My wife, Jen, took the photo the last time my parents visited us.  It was a special moment they were sharing with Ethan sitting in the same chair my dad was reading the paper.  Ethan just wanted to be near his grandpa and bask in his presence.  (See the whole set of photos here.)

In the late 1980s and early 1990s, Robert Bly become nationally known for a movement that emphasized the importance of men connecting with other men.  Bly, a poet from Minnesota, represented many Baby Boomers who had a distant relationship with their fathers and thirsted for authentic male relationships.  In his most well known book, Iron John, he explored the theme of becoming a man and how boys have a instinctual thirst for their father.  When that thirst goes unquenched, the boy lashes out in destructive ways.

I am blessed to have a father who spent considerable time with my brother and me.  He was the all-time quarterback for the neighborhood football games that were mostly played in our yard.  He took us and the neighbor kids to the school park to play baseball.  He was an active, involved dad.  One of my fondest memories was winning a 200-yd freestyle swim race in high school with my dad cheering me on and celebrating with brunch afterward.  That’s the image and archetype I hold of the ideal father.

As I have met others and learned about their relationship with their father, I have come to realize how many people didn’t have the experience I did.  Unfortunately, those experiences continue to impact their lives with sometimes disastrous repercussions. 

Each one of us has the power to stop those negative echoes of the past from driving our own behaviors.  It isn’t easy, but it can be done.  

What’s something you’ve said or done that sounded like your dad so much it made you cringe?